I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
