im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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