By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
