Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
