I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
