good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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