i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
