His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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