Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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