If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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