I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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