Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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