My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
