So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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