Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
