she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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