i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
