i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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