is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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