Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
