i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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