Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
