Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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