I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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