Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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