Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
