Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love having hate sex.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
