Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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