What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
