eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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