Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's paper in my vomit.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.