I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.