did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.