Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
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pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?