I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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