I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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