Jerry, you need to find god
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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