I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
