Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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(850): View more from Florida

They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.

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(516): View more from New York

I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"

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(949): View more from California

He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me

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