dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
