Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
