allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bet he comes in French.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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