i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
