garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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