I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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