You just made me feel so damn special
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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