I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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