I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
