I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
