Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
