I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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