woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
