While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
