What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
