I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
