I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
