Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
