Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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