I cockslap morals
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
