what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
