dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
