Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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