allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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