sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I supernannyed him into submission
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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