i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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