Your face is a jimmy john
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
