Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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